The Fortune Cookie Affair
by MLaw
Summary: This is a multi-chaptered story written in single and double drabbles for a round robin challenge in section7mfu, live journal. Each chapter is written by a different author whose name is noted in the heading. The story is a wild ride, going in a lot of crazy directions until the mystery is solved. There are original characters and a few from the show, making a reappearance.
1. mlaw

" _Letting go can we truly possess what is real," Illya Kuryakin announced to his partner as he sipped a small cup of green tea._

 _They'd met for lunch at their usual place, Chang's Restaurant. The food was good and they knew Kuryakin's infamous appetite well enough to make the portions extra large._

 _"I didn't know you were into ancient Chinese philosophy," Napoleon speared his food with his fork; he could never get the hang of chopsticks._

 _"No...merely a fortune cookie," Illya barely smiled._


	2. insane ladybug

" _Aha." Napoleon took a fortune cookie from the bowl and broke it open. "Life is but a dream," he read, raising an eyebrow._

" _I doubt some people would feel that way." Illya took a third. As he opened and read it, he frowned in bewilderment._

" _What is it?" Napoleon asked. "Does it predict you're going to meet the girl of your dreams?"_

" _Hardly. I can't even understand what it is predicting." Illya held it so Napoleon could see._

" _459E725S." Napoleon looked up. "In all honesty, it sounds like an address."_

" _Which doesn't belong in a fortune cookie." Noticing something else, Illya's eyes narrowed. "And that man over there seems interested in our discovery."_

 _Napoleon followed his gaze to a man at the counter. He was reading a newspaper, but was clearly studying them. "He doesn't care much about being conspicuous, does he."_

 _Illya took in the man's trench coat, fedora, and dark glasses._

" _Napoleon," he said after a moment. "I think I killed that man in England.* Mr. Ecks."_

 _Napoleon looked at the enemy spy with new, stunned eyes. "He's looking rather healthy now!"_

 _Mr. Ecks folded the newspaper and came over to their table, hand extended. "Kuryakin. Solo. The paper."_


	3. Selyndaep

_Illya glared at the outreached hand for a moment before muttering, "It is my cookie."_

" _The paper…"_

 _Suddenly the Thrush found himself at the wrong end of a small but lethal blade, the knife expertly caressing his wrist._

 _Illya murmured, "My cookie. My fortune." His eyes narrowed, his expression chilling and menacing. "Perhaps this time, you will stay dead."_

 _Napoleon cleared his throat. "We should take this discussion elsewhere. If you could dismiss your men, perhaps we can settle this amicably."_

 _Ecks sighed before motioning his men back as they stepped outside._

 _Napoleon, suddenly uneasy, spotted something…wrong. "Drop!"_

 _The faint pops of a large caliber gun with silencer was heard—deadly bullets zipping uncomfortably close as they hit Chang's restaurant!_

 _As Solo and Kuryakin rapidly returned fire, Ecks scrambled over and snatched the paper away from Kuryakin, tearing off the startled agent's pocket in his haste. The irritated Russian hooked his legs around the Thrush, but Ecks struggled furiously. Finally he managed to land a vicious kick near his captor's ear. The stunned Russian released his hold and Ecks fled, jumping into the waiting car._

 _Solo returned fire at the large Thrush vehicle, but the heavy Lincoln sped away unscathed._


	4. Avrovulcan

_Napoleon watched the Lincoln disappear._

 _"Come on pal," Solo helped the Russian up, "oh-ho that's a shiner."_

 _The side of Illya's face was already taking on a nice purple hue._

 _"Just wait until I see Ecks again," Kuryakin grated, shaking his head in an effort to stop seeing two Napoleons, one was more than enough to cope with, in his opinion._

 _Solo's communicator warbled, a brief exchange with intelligence had them quickly heading back to HQ._

 _Napoleon wasn't surprised when his partner marched straight past Medical; heading instead to Section 4, pausing only to let the door open._

 _"So, what have you discovered James?" Solo asked the head of Intelligence as he stepped into the small room._

 _"THRUSH is getting excited about something, here have a listen."_

 _The agents donned spare headphones, after a few minutes they looked at each other in surprise._

 _"Ecks has joined forces with THRUSH," Illya commented, recognising one of the voices._

 _"That code in the fortune cookies's one of six," Solo added._

 _"All together they make some kind of formula," Illya exclaimed._

 _"They have four, they still need the others."_

 _"We need to find them first. Any ideas?"_

 _Napoleon's eyes sparkled, "I have a plan."_


	5. Avirra

_A resigned sigh came from Illya as he searched for a scrap of paper and began to write._

" _I suppose it is as well that I already have a headache since your plans have a tendency to give me one. Saves time"_

 _Ignoring that comment, Napoleon leaned over with open curiosity at what Illya was jotting down._

" _459E725S? You remembered what was on that slip?"_

" _Da."_

 _Illya offered the paper to_ _James._

" _One sixth of the formula, for what it is worth. Now Napoleon, what is your plan?"_

 _The Solo smile was firmly in place._

" _Let's go see Mister Waverly."_


	6. otherhawk

_They let Mr Waverly know what was happening and headed back to the restaurant to confront their waiter. The way Napoleon saw it, in a world of infinite wonder, the chances of a THRUSH exchange just happening to take place in a restaurant with two UNCLE agents, and being accidentally given to one of them were practically zilch._

 _They found the waiter – a kid named Jie – sweeping up the broken glass. He broke down immediately._

" _My cousin works for some bad people, but he wants out. They made him smuggle papers into America, and then pass them on discreetly. He talked to me, and I said that we could get you involved. You are government spies, aren't you? I hear you talking, and you often come in here hurt." He glanced at the bruises on Illya's face._

 _Napoleon looked at his partner too, exchanging a wry look. For the sake of their continued employment it would probably be a good idea for Mr Waverly not to find out that the waiter in their local restaurant knew they were spies._

" _We're something in that line," he admitted. "So, do you know where your cousin's next drop was?"_


	7. alynwa

" _It was in the cookie I gave you."_

 _They exited Chang's and headed to Napoleon's car. "459 East 72_ _nd_ _Street, Apartment 5S is what that code must mean," he said._ " _Open Channel D, Priority One."_

" _What is it, Mr. Kuryakin?"_

" _Sir, Napoleon was right; the code is an address on East 72_ _nd_ _Street, the formula's there._ _Can you send Slate and Dancer?_ _We are coming from Chinatown; they can get across town faster._ _We will meet them."_

" _They'll be there. Good luck."_

 _Napoleon glanced over. "James thought that was part of the formula."_

" _I trust your instincts over James', Napoleon."_


	8. lindafishes8

_They arrived at the apartment building and found Dancer and Slate covering the exits._

" _No birds yet, darlings. 5S is a storage room in the basement."_

 _The four agents took the stairs and cautiously entered Room Five. Illya was the first to spot Ecks. He was one of several THRUSHes seated at a long table in the center of the storeroom._

" _Hands up," Illya commanded and was immediately obeyed._

 _The scene before them was a strange one. Cartons were strewn everywhere. The table was loaded with hundreds of fortune cookies, some in wrappers and some not. The floor was littered with broken ones._

 _Wherever the agents stepped, they crunched._

 _The prisoners were handcuffed; Illya made sure he fastened Ecks' extra tight. As backup from headquarters led them away, Ecks declared, "You'll never find it."_

" _What do we do now?" said Mark, scratching his head._

" _We move the whole shebang back to headquarters." Napoleon answered._

 _The operation was set up in U.N.C.L.E.'s cafeteria; any and all personnel who were not engaged in critical operations turned up to help. The kitchen staff set out urns of Oolong tea and cups._

" _What are we looking for, Napoleon?"_

" _The formula."_


	9. JantoJones

_As each cookie was opened, the fortune was checked and then dropped onto the floor. No-one had any real idea what they were looking for and were basically trying to spot something which clearly wasn't a fortune._

" _Next time I have Chinese food, I'm going to ask them not to include a cookie," moaned Mark, as he started on a new box. "If I never see another one again, it will be too soon."_

 _Sitting beside him, Illya agreed, though Mark couldn't help but notice that the Russian was eating his way through a fair few of them._

 _Where did Napoleon disappear to?" the Brit asked, looking around the room._

" _He went to interrogate Ecks," Illya told him, somewhat tetchy. "Personally, I think he found the first excuse he could to avoid getting his suit covered in crumbs."_

 _Before Mark could comment on the probable truth of Illya's statement, a call from the other side of the room grabbed their attention._

" _I have it," cried Sylvia Barton, before she waded through the debris to hand it to Illya._

 _The agent looked at what was written on the paper and visibly paled._

" _Keep looking," he ordered. "I must see Mr Waverly."_


	10. pactnmmt

_Illya hurried out of the room the fortune clenched in his hand._

 _"He who spends time seeking wisdom in fortune cookie loses against evil. Boom!"_

 _Mr. Waverly must know immediately. UNCLE headquarters needed to be evacuated. He entered the elevator, pushed the necessary button._

 _Dizziness overcame him. Nausea and blurred vision overwhelmed as cold sweat broke out on his face._

 _If Illya didn't know better, he would have guessed he had been poisoned. The fortune cookies?_

 _Lisa Rogers heard the ding of the elevator and looked up as the doors opened. Illya Kuryakin laid in a heap on the floor._


	11. Girl in the Glen

_Lisa's first thought was to ring security, which she did. Unsure what had overtaken Kuryakin she stood back and waited until emergency personnel could verify that he was alive. Lisa had never been a fan of the Russian, though for reasons all her own._

 _Waverly was apprised of the situation, kept to his office for security reasons. Napoleon was notified of the development while Slate and Dancer arrived as Illya was being wheeled into Medical, his senses returning and a stream of protests spewing out like brackish water._

 _"Too many cookies old man, you took a header in the elevator." Mark was wary of Illya, but the chance to rib him over the cookies was too tempting._

 _"It's that knock on the head I received most likely.' The nausea had passed and reason prevailed._

 _"No one else is sick?" April and Mark both shook their heads._

 _"I rest my case. I'll be fine. The bigger problem is this message." He showed it to the other two agents, watched their eyes widen at the threat it suggested._

 _"So… the more we look the more we court danger?"_

 _"I think so, and that makes me wonder what we're really dealing with here._


	12. mlaw again

_Solo sat at the conference table, opposite Alexander Waverly._

" _None of this makes sense sir. Why would THRUSH put that particular slip of paper somewhere in those boxes of fortune cookies, yet they were searching through them?"_

" _What are you proposing Mr. Solo?"_

" _Maybe it wasn't them, or Ecks...my mind is going back to Chang's and the waiter who started all this by slipping us the fortune cookie with the address._ _Could it be he was the one leading us on this chase all along? Perhaps far Eastern powers testing the waters to see what we'd do?"_

" _THRUSH as well? Interesting premise." Waverly sucked on the mouthpiece of his pipe." I suggest we bring that young man…"_

" _Jie, sir."_

" _Find this fellow Jie and bring him_ _in for questioning. Kuryakin is well enough to go, so I want you, Dancer and Slate to go back to where this started. Rather convenient for you to have been there for this whole debacle to begin, what?"_

" _Well it is our favorite restaurant."_

" _Therein lies part of the know better than to be predictable in your off hours. Perhaps Jie was waiting for you. Now bring him here, and quickly. Dismissed."_


	13. Insaneladybug again

_As the apparent leader of the THRUSH group, Mr. Ecks had been placed in a holding cell away from the others. He had come prepared for capture and managed to release himself with a device hidden in the hem of his trenchcoat. As he wandered the corridor with a previously purloined, treated badge, he heard an animated Cockney voice._

" _Well, hello there, my good man."_

" _Hey! What are you-"_

 _Before the guard could complete his sentence, he was unconscious on the floor. His assailant stepped back with a smirk. "Nice to see you're on top of your game, so to speak."_

" _Wye!" Ecks ran out._

 _Good, you're free." Wye was pleased. "Let's go. I found out everybody's goin' back to the restaurant where this madness started."_

" _What for?" Ecks was surprised._

" _Seems they just figured out THRUSH ain't behind this."_

" _I hope THRUSH doesn't figure out we're undercover investigating them," Ecks muttered. "We never could have got in if they'd realized who we really are and that we betrayed our old organization."_

 _Wye felt likewise as they slipped outside. THRUSH would kill them upon learning the truth. And Wye wasn't going to come so close to losing his friend again._


	14. Selyndaep again

_Illya reined in his temper as he debriefed the agent in charge of security._

 _Although Harty was an intimidating man, well over 6' in height, something about the Section II's Second had the man genuinely cowed; he'd heard the rumors about the 'Mad Russian'; looking at the cold menace in Kuryakin's expressionless gaze; he feared they were actual fact. If this weren't within the safety of UNCLE headquarters…_

" _Mr. Harty. I would like an explanation of how Ecks managed to escape from a top security cell on your watch." The eyes narrowed further. "Are you in the pay of Thrush? Or, are you merely incompetent?"_

 _Harty bristled at the questions. "I am not!" He pressed his lips together tightly before slowly shaking his head._

" _I don't know what happened. We followed protocol, took every precaution, assigned two guards both inside and outside the cell block…"_

" _He was, of course, searched."_

" _Yes, yes!"_

 _Kuryakin's glare intensified. "Apparently not very thoroughly."_

" _He was clean when he went in that cell!"_

 _The loudspeaker crackled. "Mr. Kuryakin, report to Mr. Waverly at once."_

 _Harty remained in the room; two guards outside, as Illya sped out._

" _I wonder if Napoleon learned anything at the restaurant…"_


	15. Avrovulcan again

_Napoleon, April and Mark arrived at Chang's, ready to confront the waiter who seemed to be at the centre of this mess._

 _The agents cautiously entered through the rear door and stopped, Napoleon immediately recognised a familiar voice coming from the front of house._

 _"That's all we need," sighed Solo._

 _Peering through the kitchen door, they saw Angelique. She had Jie tied to a chair; the sharp edge of her long nail drawing a thin trail of blood around his neck ._

 _Looking up as the door opened, she beamed when she saw Napoleon._

 _"Hello darling, come to join the party?"_


	16. Avirra again

_Successfully restraining herself from rolling her eyes at Angelique's open flirting with Napoleon, April left handling her to the boys as she focused her attention on the unfortunate waiter._

 _Tremors seemed to be running through his body and she wasn't convinced they were fear related In fact, April would have been willing to bet he was drugged or poisoned. With Angelique in the equation, possibly both._

 _The edge to Napoleon's normally composed voice drew her attention back to the scene at hand. He wasn't flirting back or even acknowledging Angelique's question, focusing fully on the waiter instead._

 _"He's not one of yours or one of ours. So who_ _ **does**_ _he work for?"_

 _Angelique pouted for only a second, there being no point in continuing since she knew it would have no effect whatsoever on Napoleon._

 _"You are no fun tonight, but I'll forgive you since I can understand not being amused at being played. Our side doesn't appreciate it either. Tell you what, darling. I've gotten two locations from him. I'll give you one location, we'll eradicate the other and then we can all get back to our usual adversarial contests without these upstarts throwing sand into our gears. Agreed?"_


	17. otherhawk again

_"Here's a better idea," Mark suggested. "How about we take you in and you tell us both the addresses?"_

 _She gave a silvery laugh._

 _"THRUSH would have dealt with both locations long before we got any information out of her," Napoleon pointed out. He looked directly at her. "We've got an agreement. But we take Jie as well."_

 _She eyed him critically. "Oh, if you must. He's no more use to anyone...unless the food here is that good. You know, you and Kuryakin should be less predictable in your movements."_

 _Napoleon had already had this lecture from Mr Waverly, he really didn't want to hear it from Angelique. "Are you going to tell me where I'm going?"_

 _"The basement of Hurley's Bar," she said, wrinkling her nose. "Well, ciao for now." Gracefully, she started moving towards the back door, not taking her eyes off them for a minute. "Oh, and Napoleon, darling, do be careful. You know what these extremist groups are like. They make us look like pussy cats."_

 _That explained where Ecks came in. "Follow her," he said to April in a whisper, "Find out where the second address is."_

 _She smiled, not needing to be told twice._


	18. Alynwa again

April tailed Angelique to an abandoned warehouse in Red Hook, Brooklyn. She loathed the woman, but had to admire the professionalism she showed in checking for danger before entering through the loading dock.

She counted to twenty and then proceeded inside. She could just hear Angelique moving forward when suddenly, the sounds of a struggle reached her ears. A man screamed in pain and then she heard Angelique let loose a string of profanity in French and English. I have to tell Illya they have cursing in common.

She snuck to where she heard voices and glanced from behind boxes to see the THRUSH lying on the ground with Wye's gun to her head and Ecks unconscious on the floor.

"Where's the antidote to your fingernail poison? I'll kill you!"

"Go ahead, you freak! I'll never tell! You're traitors!"

"Then I kill you with pleasure, you bitch!"

Phht! April's sleep dart found its mark and Ecks collapsed. Angelique's head whipped around to see the UNCLE agent emerge from her hiding place and her eyes widened. "That miserable little Russian will detest you for saving my life, but I thank you."

"You're welcome. Let's see what's happening in this place."

"Oui."


	19. Lindafishes8 again

" _Let me assure you, the substance on my nails is non-lethal."_

" _In that case, sweet dreams love." April felt a great deal of satisfaction darting Angelique in the derriere. I'll leave these three for the clean-up crew, she thought._

 _After a sweep of the warehouse, April determined that someone was in the process of building a bomb on the premises. It hadn't been armed yet. She put in a call to her boss._

 _Meanwhile, Illya concluded his interrogation with Agent Harty and entering Waverly's office, he found Sylvia Barton. Another suspicious fortune had been found, it was the address for Hurley's Bar. April's call came through at that moment._

" _That's about it, sir. I've tried contacting Solo and Slate but they haven't answered._

" _Why would Angelique choose one site over another, unless... it's a trap!"_

 _Illya surmised._

" _All right, Miss Dancer. Go directly to Hurley's Bar. Mr. Kuryakin meet you there. Use utmost caution, both of you."_

 _Mark and Napoleon had found the bar abandoned and boarded up. Once inside, they were accosted by an unknown, shadowy figure._

 _When Illya and April arrived forty minutes later, they stood in the street and stared._

 _Hurley's Bar was totally engulfed in flames._


	20. mlaw 3

_Napoleon woke first, coughing and sputtering from the smoke that filled the room. He felt a warm body tied to his back and assumed it was Slate._

" _Mark wake up!" He tried rocking and jostling him._

" _Whaaaa? Good heavens we're on fire!"_

" _No kidding. Push against me; we have to stand._

 _They planted their feet firmly on the carpet and pushed hard until they shimmied their way up to a standing position. That shift loosened the rope wrapped around their chests and with a little more wiggling room, they were able to free themselves._

 _Bits of burning debris drifted down around them as they made their way out to the front of the bar; there the fire was fully engaged._

" _Angelique's doing, Napoleon. It was a trap and she knew it mate."_

 _Not her trap but Jie's people. I swear if we get out of this she'll…"_

 _The bar entrance exploded in front of them, not from the flames but from a car careening through the door._

 _It was Kuryakin to the rescue._

" _GET IN!" He shouted, and as soon as Solo and Slate dove inside the smoke filled car Illya slammed it into reverse and floored the gas pedal._


	21. pactnmmt again

_Illya brought the car to a halt and all three bailed out of it's smoky interior onto the sidewalk. Kuryakin helped the other agents up._

 _They stood across from the bar as the NYFD rushed to extinguish the fire._

" _This affair is making less sense the more we investigate," rasped Solo. "What the hell is going on?"_

" _I'm not sure. April found an unfinished bomb at a warehouse when she followed Angelique. She was able to dart Angelique and take her back to headquarters along with those two buffoons Ecks and Wye," Illya replied._

" _Who started that fire?" asked Mark. "I could see someone moving about in the shadows before I lost consciousness."_

 _The NYFD captain shouted, "Gentlemen, over here." The three agents ran to the alley east of the burning building. Paramedics were tending to a soot covered, badly burned woman. Napoleon gently turned her over. It was Sylvia Barton, the UNCLE employee who found the message in the cookie that sent Illya running to Mr. Waverly._

 _Sylvia moaned. "Sylvia? What happened?"_

 _She looked at Solo and laughed maniacally. "You'll never stop it in time!"_

 _She let out her last breath and died._


	22. Girl in the glen again

_"Sylvia's dead? And what did she mean, we'll never stop it in time?" Mark was asking as he looked at the body of their newly identified enemy. Illya and Napoleon shared an expression that spoke to each of them as the befuddled Slate looked on. He recognized that thing they did, that unspoken communication._

 _"You know? But… ?"_

 _"Sylvia isn't really Sylvia. This…' Napoleon took hold of what appeared to be Sylvia's chin and pulled up a mask to reveal a woman whose face had formerly been unknown._

 _"This is Dr. Egret." Mark emitted a sound similar to a squeak._

 _"How did you know?"_

 _Illya spoke up as Napoleon continued to pull off the mask._

 _"She missed something in her impersonation of the real Sylvia Barton, who is left handed. Egret handed me the note with her right hand, something that I realized was wrong."_

 _"But Dr. Egret? How did you jump to that conclusion?"_

 _"How about we stop the thing she just said we can't, and I'll explain everything to you Mark." Napoleon was already walking towards a policeman as he spoke over his shoulder to the junior agent._

 _April would have alerted headquarters by now._

 _Time to be heroes._


	23. mlaw the conclusion

_Solo's head raced, trying to make sense of the facts._

" _Fortune cookies, addresses, an unfinished bomb, Chinese agents wanting to destroy THRUSH, Ecks back from the dead, Wye showing up, Angelique, and the trap at Hurley's Bar…probably Egret."_

" _Sylvia," he snapped his fingers._

" _What are you on about now mate?" Mark asked._

" _Sylvia," Illya nodded._

" _We need to get to headquarters and fast. Egret was there as Sylvia. Where else could she hide something in plain sight?"_

 _._

 _Solo's communicator chirped a call from April._

" _HQ is on red alert. Dr. Egret is actually alive, but barely."_

 _Illya pulled his communicator calling for a complete search of headquarters. "Check anything to do with Sylvia Barton! Maybe a bomb!"_

 _By the time the agents arrived, a powerful explosive device capable of blowing up the entire block was found and disarmed._

 _Ecks and Wye were questioned and released, Jie and Angelique too._

 _Egret would be shipped to Antarctica; a life sentence in Tartarus._

 _When all was said and done, the merry chase was at last over. Illya and Napoleon finally gave up trying to piece everything together._

 _._

" _Hungry tovarisch?"_

" _Always…Chang's?"_

" _Why not?"_

 _Illya tossed over a fortune cookie from his desk, "Last one."_

 _When opened the fortune read: '_ _ **You will soon find more adventures in life'**_


End file.
